On the Deep End

Where is Robin?

In reality TV – it is not what the cameras are shooting; what is being broadcast to me on my TV that is the real. I know that. I know that it is the cameras shooting what the production behind it claims to be real - but which is fake - that is the reality – to TV - or maybe TV production as a job - Which I guess is closer to the real world where they go to work and stuff. And I know that I don’t get to see that – and that is the real reality.
And I know that the real nature is somewhere else than within the designated area – that it could be east or west or whatever but in any case that I have to go beyond. For an example if I was in a city – Let say LA – I would have to out of LA – any direction but west – to find the real.
And I know that Eastwood’s Unforgiven – when he rolls around in the mud with those pigs – is more real than most western that were actually supposed to be the first indicators of the real “real” for that setting.
I know that it is after – after he is done (for the sake of the real it should be mentioned that in the movie, it is actually in the beginning) with being a cowboy – that that is probably more real than he ever was in any of the other portraits.
So yeah – I know that the real isn’t only something that refers to that which it originated from – I know that it can also be “after”. But those days when I’m feeling like Will – and Robin asks me about truth and I look at his shitty painting and tells him the truth about him self – and when he then gets up and crabs my collar and calls me chief – then I just don’t know where to look for it – I can only feel my body being pressed against that big book shelf. It makes me feel like a schoolboy; Robin is standing on the desk with that smile – come up here he says – look he says – but I just can’t se it.